We won’t soak up anything, confirm pub crisps

We won’t soak up anything, confirm pub crisps

A PACKET of ready salted crisps has confirmed it will do nothing to offset the effects of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

The admission came after Tom Booker ordered the deep-fried potato snack along with a round of 12 percent ABV craft beers.

Packet of Walkers crisps Wayne Hayes said: “I get his logic but I’m half full of crisps, half full of air. I’m going to do f**k all.

“If I were a grab bag backed up by some pork scratchings and scampi fries, he’d at least be in with a fighting chance of dodging a hangover. That’s if he doesn’t down any more drinks, which he will.

“To make things worse he’s going to split me open so all of his friends can have approximately two crisps each. My salt content will only make all of them more thirsty. I am literally pointless.”

When Tom Booker was later reunited with the crisps as he vomited their mushed remains into the toilet, he asked: “How could you betray me?”