Virtual drinks give man very real hangover

Virtual drinks give man very real hangover

VIDEO conferencing means it’s easy to feel close to the ones you’re missing. But what about the ones you’re not missing, who are constantly inviting you to hang out online? Here are five fail-safe excuses to dodge them.

Wi-fi problems

There’s no chance of attending Jan’s virtual pub quiz when your router’s on the blink, is there? Absolutely gutted to miss your geography round, Jan, that sounds great.

Preparing for your online Spanish class

The lockdown is no excuse for letting your brain turn to mush. Duck out of the Zoom work night in arranged by your most annoying colleague by saying you have homework, even though your Spanish class is a lie and you’re actually watching repeats of Midsomer Murders.

Deep cleaning

Whilst your friends know you usually live in a total shit tip, they’ll believe that you’ve finally got round to giving the house a clean in the face of a global pandemic, even if all you’ve actually done is straighten a few cushions and chuck that three-year-old washing up brush away.

Cooking commitments

These are the days of batch cooking and that just-in-case jambalaya isn’t going to prepare itself. Keeping your family alive is your first priority, so sadly there can be no Housepartying with that old school acquaintance you hadn’t thought of in decades.

Children

If you’re having to endure the company of children, the least they can do is give you a viable excuse for missing a night in the virtual pub with your brother-in-law. Invent tantrums, homework assignments and feeding requirements as needed.