Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

184

Cause of the pandemic?

Trump’s reign became toxic

and his tweets went viral.

185

Jail to the chef!

What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next?

186

Suggestion:

Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn’t dangerous if you get it,

he should have himself infected to prove his point.

187

Have faith —

When Trump talks about matters he knows about,

he lies compulsively;

but when he talks about medicine and science,

you can take it to the mountebank.

188

The presidential hopeful flew to Florida

and started climbing palm trees.

A news reporter asked:

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Money matters in elections.

So I’m greasing the palms.”

189

No one is more hip than Trump,

transforming the nation from

democracy

hypocrisy.

190

Trump is a virus.

One day it will be like a miracle.

He will disappear.

191

Ah! No wonder he thinks

he owns this business

and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them.

The origin of the word is French —

par Don

192

Donny Boy,

when thinking about immigration, remember

the huddled masses

aren’t losers;

they haven’t given up.

They’re huddled to decide on the next play.

193

Trump deserves credit.

He is indeed uniuqe

Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid;

and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant.

194

Trump is more or less correct.

The more-on

learns no less-ons.

195

When Trump heard that people are stocking up

for the coronavirus,

he was delighted.

What’s good for the stock market is good for the nation.

196

What cartoon character is a role model for Trump?

Tweety Bird.

197

“Fox” in German

is “fuchs.”

In plain English

it’s “fucks.”

198

More women should strive to become models,

like Elizabeth Warren —

role models

199

No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does.

When the primaries are over

he wants to be the one left.

200

To slow the spread of the coronavirus

authors should regularly use linguistic cleansers

and word sanitizers.

201

St. Patrick’s Day greeting for Trump —

Bottom of the night to you.

202

New plan to combat coronavirus —

Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump.

203

Trump took Latin in high school.

So why should he be afraid of a virus?

He knows that “vir” means man.

It’s manly to have a virus.

204

Just biden your time.

The sanders in the hourglass

will flow away.

205

Trump is fighting substance abuse

by preventing the public

from getting information of substance.

206

Please wear surgical gloves when reading.

Don’t spread the virus to your books.

There are limited beds in book hospitals.

207

Symptoms of a pandemic —

Stadiums are closed.

Theaters are closed.

Schools are closed.

Businesses are closed.

Minds are closed.

208

Trump didn’t remember

eliminating the NSC pandemic unit.

He needed to be reminded about that.

He needs to be reminded in general.

Has he ever had a mind?

209

Trump couldn’t take his own temperature.

That was far too complicated for him to understand.

So he called a temp agency.

210

Cool it.

No need to panic.

Relax at home,

and watch the old mill streaming.

211

They finally convinced Trump

to get tested

because the testosterone

would help him with his other problem.

212

Streaming is becoming obsolete over night.

Everyone is adopting the new video standard.

Covid-19 is everywhere.

213

God offered Trump wit.

He complained that wasn’t enough.

So God made him a twit instead.

214

Think positive.

The spread of coronavirus is ending negativity.

Soon everyone will test positive.

215

Coping with the threat of coronavirus

is like having a baby.

You are likely to end up with

stress marks.

216

When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century

she was greeted by

Tweetle-dee and Tweedle-dum.

And she was surprised to learn that

Twettle-dum was President of the United States.

217

Trump banned all pandas

especially performing ones

because he heard that the current health crisis

is a panda mimic.

218

Trump was prophetic —

He washed his hands

of the coronavirus

at the very beginning.

219

This problem is unpresidented —

We’re in it because we have no president.

220

Johnson offered the Great Society.

Trump offers the Great Anxiety.

221

Removal of Trump from office

is elective surgery

that can’t be postponed.

222

“What’s tree-age?” asks Trump.

“Is that when you chop down

all trees over 60 years old?”

223

Product suggestion —

A bull-shit-o-meter.

An add-on for streaming news.

Automatically shuts off the programming

when the level of lies reaches a limit set by the viewer.

224

No wonder the baseball season was cancelled.

The virus came from bats.

225

A ninety-old man with severe depression

had a smile on his face.

“What makes you so happy today?” asked his caregiver.

“I now have a reason to live,” he replied.

“I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave.”