Trump Rushed to Walter Reed for Hand Trauma

Trump Rushed to Walter Reed for Hand Trauma

Washington DC (AP) Members of the White House press corps reported an unscheduled flight of Marine One in the wee hours of Wednesday (i.e., around 1:39AM).

When queried about the reason for the flight, White House Non-Spokesperson Stephanie Grisham* said it was a training exercise for night evacuations.

Little did she know that she would be ‘outed’ (like the lying sleazebag she is wont to be!) when ten year old, self-proclaimed Israeli, cyber-nerd Younas Byte picked up a transmission on his Radio Shack transmitter between Marine One and Rear Admiral Harold Bornstein, Trump’s personal doctor who has been newly commissioned to the staff of Walter Reed Naval Hospital, and shared it with the wire service.

Apparently, Trump had suffered multiple paper cuts from his rage induced efforts to tear up old Nancy Pelosi speeches that he demanded his staff find for him after his State of the Union delivery. Sources said that the President’s manic attacks on the Speaker’s writings left him bleeding profusely (particularly from his middle finger) and writhing in pain.

It is reported that a hysterical Melania begged Kelly Anne Conway to do something and the quick witted twit called for a Red Alert.

Soon after, a mewling, whimpering and immobilized Trump was transferred by EMTs to Marine One.

Doctor/Admiral Harry Bornstein met the chopper and escorted the president into the OR.

It was there that the President was administered a terribly painful course of Mercurochrome and had his hands covered in ointment and swathed in gauze to forestall infection.

As an added precaution Doctor/Admiral Harry said he had prescribed, because of the Grease Cochalcochlae potential, the wearing of latex mittens when  the President eats his favorite food—The Big Mac Special.

This has apparently delighted the First Lady, because she was overheard to say:

“Good! Maybe the taste of a rubberized Big Mac and Fries will put him off of the vaša hrana diši po svinjskem dreku.”*

*Author John Grisham has denied there is any family connection with the twit and has said he will gladly undertake a DNA test to prove it,

**Rough translation from Slovenian: “That food that smells like pig s**t.