Trump Privately Boasts His Mother Invented the Dildo

Trump Privately Boasts His Mother Invented the Dildo

Davos, Switzerland (Reuters)

During one of the conference breaks President Trump, the moral and spiritual leader of American white evangelicals, was overheard bragging to Angela Merkel and non-neomerc environmental activist Greta Thunberg about how his mother had invented the dildo. (This is not to be confused, however, with Putin’s invincible nuclear powered butt-plug WMD).

Yeah, this morning I said Elon Musk is one of our greatest geniuses and we have to protect him…but I really wish I was around when that sleazeball outfit in California—Doc Johnsons—ripped off my mom’s genius. That’s right, Mary Ann invented the dildo using melted latex gloves, Jello and a meat loaf pan right in our little kitchen. She went to Doc Johnsons, who licensed it for a measly $2000 and then sat on it while they successfully reverse engineered their version into the market. I feel cheated! I could have been even richer than I already am! Can you imagine the sales power that a Trump dildo would have had in the sex toy market.

Yawn…

Poor old ranty Donald. Shall we continue?!

I blame my dad for not being more savvy about it, but what the hell he was just a real estate guy!

We’ve all been there…

I am not one to hold a grudge, but let me ask you this A, if I cut your NATO contribution requirement by 15%, would you be willing to do me a favour though…. like impose a 53% tariff hike on those crooked California b*ds at Doc Johnsons. Just have your people contact Rudy, Mick and/or Mark and we can get the ball rolling or is that the roll balling!!! HA, HA, HA. COVFEFE!