Come back 2019, all is forgiven. As the country tries to get to grips with coronavirus and what is going to happen over the next few weeks and months, these tweets should help take the edge off, just for a bit.
Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic
Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a Twix
— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 12, 2020
I’m homeschooling my kids.
It’s tough, especially having to take their lunch money off them & throwing their schoolbags over the hedge but we’re getting there
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 13, 2020
going to be very depressing when, in two weeks, every website is filled with essays with headlines like “Binge-Watching in the Age of Coronavirus” and “The Radical Feminism of Social Distancing” and “What Quarantine Taught Me About Vulnerability and Self-Care”
— Stassa Edwards (@StassaEdwards) March 12, 2020
Movies lied about how the fall of civilisation would happen. They promised zombies and car chases with trucks covered in spikes but really its just working from home and singing happy birthday to yourself as you wash your hands
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 12, 2020
— chris o’dowd (@BigBoyler) March 13, 2020
day 89 of quarantine: pic.twitter.com/aCNMOYkPPf
— trent andrew (@trentandrewrld) March 12, 2020
To the young guy in Tesco just now asking his friend “Why are all the shelves so empty?” I salute your commitment to blissful ignorance
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) March 13, 2020
The U.K. government protecting us from the Coronavirus https://t.co/SDLbEc9NvL
— b.b (@benoobrown) March 12, 2020
Just heard someone in the supermarket say “Oh my god, people are behaving like it’s the Second World War.”
So I shot him.
— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) March 13, 2020
NOTICE TO CATS: In the coming weeks it’s likely that your humans will be spending more time in the house. While this is obviously inconvenient, I estimate distribution of treats could increase significantly (we await modelling on stroking).
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) March 13, 2020
I’ve woken up feeling achy and not at my best every day for eleven years since having children, so spotting symptoms is not that straightforward.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) March 12, 2020
Tips for those of you about to start working from home…
1) Wanking. Get to love it.
2) lunch. It’s a big thing. Your entire day will hinge around this.
3) The Postman. They will appear when you are wanking.
4) Radio on ok. TV on bad.
— John Niven HQ (@estellecostanza) March 9, 2020
Yes, to those working at home for the first time today, This Morning is always like this. pic.twitter.com/4UtIKNFyhr
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) March 13, 2020
What’s the psychological impact on society of people working from home and realising their job doesn’t actually involve much work, they never really needed to be in the office, and the world can still function without them.
— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) March 13, 2020
I have: two unused rolls of Cushionelle Softie 2-ply. Will swap for 3.4 litre Jaguar Mk 2. pic.twitter.com/LN08UFTeYZ
— Danny Kelly (@dannykellywords) March 12, 2020
Surely just a matter of time before Sky and BT announce they’re going to suspend taking subscription money for their sports channels…
— Nick Harris (@sportingintel) March 13, 2020
Attn all editorial photographers, Aldi are stacking all the unsold Corona beers next to their desolate loo roll aisles*.
That’s kitchen roll you can see, pedants. pic.twitter.com/pslhj43wSg
— Andrew Male (@Andr6wMale) March 13, 2020
do we follow the government’s science backed advice, or the compelling viral Twitter thread from someone who wants to use a pandemic to re-run 2016 arguments about brexit, who can say really
— Mark Di Stefano (@MarkDiStef) March 13, 2020
So quiet in central London as people make only essential trips for work, vital services, and the Fendi sample sale pic.twitter.com/kwukv9sZYJ
— Karen Morrison (@karenmorrison1) March 12, 2020
A thing: people who normally work at home having to cope suddenly with someone else working at home too. All your rituals, talking to the cat, eating lunch at 11am, brushing your teeth at 6pm, watching Bargain Hunt in your pants, THROWN. The home has basically become the office.
— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) March 13, 2020
the man in front of me at the tills of a popular supermarket had 20 avocados, how is this allowed
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) March 13, 2020
hanging out with pals as coronavirus escalates like pic.twitter.com/9HtQadfodP
— Dan Douglas (@dandouglas) March 13, 2020
Don’t hear so much from the anti-vaxxers nowadays eh
— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) March 13, 2020
Boris Johnson’s speech on Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/8jhW8jWpai
— GAZ 📝 (@MidKnightGaz) March 12, 2020
Me making a list of all the important things to stock up on in case of the need for self-isolation.
[sound up] pic.twitter.com/bbosD3Ww0x
— The Poke (@ThePoke) March 13, 2020