ST JOHN’S – Early reports indicate that residents of St. John’s, Newfoundland have given up removing snow from roads, sidewalks, and roofs, and have started building a new provincial capital.
All 114,000 residents said ‘fuck this’ when confronted with 10 foot snow mounds and immediately started constructing new homes, businesses, and governments on the snow-covered foundation on what was a city.
“We must rebuild,” announced St. John’s Mayor Danny Breen from his snow cave. “ My back is already sore and I don’t want to keep shovelling.”
Stalwart citizens have already constructed and painted a snow fort version of Jellybean Row, which has already attracted dozens of tourists.
“This much easier than suffering a heart attack while plowing all of this white shit off of my driveway,” said an exhausted Michael Murphy who gave up after the first attempt. “I’ll get to work on designing the new ice sewage system.”
According to sources, Newfoundlanders refused to accept the army’s help to dig out since they take pride in “not being Toronto.”