STRATEGISTS at Sinn Féin headquarters have devised a foolproof plan to ensure their party receives the same amount of airplay on RTÉ over the course of the 2020 General Election by dropping snippets of extreme racism, misogyny, right-wing nonsense and outright lies into their rhetoric from now on.
Party leader Mary Lou McDonald is not currently scheduled to appear in the February 4th Prime Time debate which is set to feature only Fianna Fail’s Micheál Martin and Fine Gael’s Leo Varadkar; two men who will spend the entire programme trying to avoid the fact that they’ve been in government together for four years.
Looking to enter the debate, Sinn Féin will opt to go down the ‘fair and balanced’ route which has garnered airtime for even the smallest, most insignificant political movements in Ireland, and will kick this off with a few well-placed opinions on a number of minority groups.
“If you want airtime on the state broadcaster, you’re wasting your time by being reasonable, or intelligent” said a spokesperson for Sinn Féin.
“We’re working on the ‘Peter Casey’ method, as well as the ‘Iona Institute’ system; talk a load of shite about travellers, maybe get all God-Squad, say gay marriage is a sin, abortion is murder, all that. We’ll be on your screens before the day is out, no questions. You’ll be sick of us in a week, we’ll never be off the air”.
RTÉ have responded by offering Sinn Féin their very own debate slot on the political section of the RTÉ Player, accessed by heading to the RTÉ website, following nine links until you find the player, entering your name, email, drivers licence number and subscribing to 8 different newsletters, all between the hours of 5-6.30am.