The NHS just has to struggle through this last week and then everything will be fine, it has emerged.
With the extra £350 million per week that was promised by the ever truthful Boris Johnson only a matter of days away, NHS bosses across the land are relieved that soon their financial woes will be over.
The chairman of one foundation trust, Simon Williams, told us, “We just have to survive these last seven days, then we’ll be able to breathe a lot more easily, financially speaking.
“This time next week, when the first cheque arrives with our share of the first payment of £350 million arrives, I intend to buy a couple more MRI machines, and possibly a new children’s ward.
“Then the following week, perhaps I’ll invest our share of that week’s £350 mil on the latest chemotherapy medicines, which were previously too expensive to afford.”
Wistfully, he added, “It’s just such a shame that some of our best consultants, doctors, nurses and cleaning staff have left the country and gone back to their homes in the EU.
“Still, I’m sure there are loads of Brits queuing up to work in healthcare, and with Boris reintroducing generous nursing bursaries then I’m sure we’ll have no problem recruiting more.”