The cold weather can “do one”, according to a new scientific study.
Temperatures across Britain consistently remain at five degrees or below, often accompanied by freezing wind and rain, despite the fact it is fucking March and therefore basically fucking Spring.
“We’ve taken samples from over 10,000 people,” confirmed Simon Williams, who is wearing a lab coat and is therefore presumably a scientist.
“The overwhelming conclusion we’ve drawn from the result of our analysis is that the cold weather can either ‘do one’, ‘go away’ or, in some extreme cases, ‘piss the fuck off’.
“It’s an overwhelmingly conclusive result. Not since we asked people’s opinions of the American version of The Inbetweeners have people responded in such an overwhelmingly negative fashion.”
Citizen, Jay Cooper, said “The cold weather can, indeed, ‘do one’.
“I had to scrape the car this morning. In March. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal and I demand that somebody be arrested.”