WANT to put you or your partner out of action for the night? Here are six foods that will destroy the mood and murder your libido.
Two baked potatoes followed by treacle sponge
In theory this carb-rich, sugary meal should give you energy for a Showgirls-style sex session. However you will undo your belt not for sex, but to relieve your straining stomach that feels as if it’s eaten a bag of concrete.
Raw kale, spinach and broccoli salad followed by an apple
Super-healthy and light, it’s the perfect food for sex afterwards. That’s if it wasn’t for your farts being so powerful your partner is weeping as if they’ve been CS-gassed by the French riot police.
Family-sized pizza with a gargantuan bottle of coke
You eat it to save time cooking and get straight to the bedroom. But this cheesy beast is the equivalent of a sleeping tablet and you will merely wake up feeling unhealthy after repulsing your partner with horrible coke burps.
Massive Indian takeaway
Once you start eating curry it’s scientifically impossible to stop, especially if you’ve ordered loads of different tasty things. Once you’re jam-packed with tandoori mixed grill, poppadoms, various saags and some lamb balti it’s probably actually dangerous to have sex.
It’s a romantic night in a cosy Italian restaurant and the scene has been set for a night of seduction. But you choose ‘too much carbonara’. You’re uncomfortably bloated and sex is off the menu, leaving you lying in bed full of delicious creamy pasta regret.
Not overly filling if you don’t go for a ridiculous 90-piece bucket, it’s just hard to love your partner anymore after watching them savage a chicken carcass like an animal with warm grease dripping down their chin.