A man on the constant verge of a rage-stroke is reaching for his heart medication after seeing the trailer for ‘the Personal Life of David Copperfield,’ which he can only rationally conclude is a disgusting ‘Bollywood’ rip-off.
Derek Williams, 53, was taking a break from laughing at all the offended Social Justice Warriors online while dunking a digestive in his chipped mug of PG tips when the trailer came on the television.
He became confused and started to seethe, his increasing ire made all the worse when he was distracted from monitoring the correct tea-biscuit saturation point, thus resulting in an unholy cup of brown mush.
Williams said, “At first I thought, ah-ha! At last, a heart-warming adaptation of a classic by that Dickson fella. I naturally pictured a warm tale depicting the good old days of Victorian England, with chewable air, widespread rickets, legal child labour and constant doffing of caps to the landed gentry by the poor.
“And white faces, obviously!
“So, you can imagine my shock seeing Slumdog-fucking-Millionaire in a top hat and tails. At first, I thought, he must be David Copperfield’s comedy sidekick with a silly accent, or a stowaway urchin moments away from maimed by a musket shot.
“But he kept saying he was ‘David Copperfield’ over and over again, each one inducing a wave of patriotic-based anger and dry-heave in equal measure.
“The only logical explanation is that this a warped Bollywood version. Endless dance-numbers, massive guitars, and close-ups of the David in shades and chewing a toothpick before fighting eleven men at once.
“Devious bastards left that out of the trailer, didn’t they!
“I should have seen this coming with that Citizen Khan bullshit.”