A moron has decided to wear his Breaking Bad Halloween costume for a trip to Sainsbury’s, having made the desperate mistake of getting health advice from Facebook.
Simon Williams, 35, was planning on doing the weekly shop, but after a quick perusal of his Facebook feed and the memes being shared by his moronic social circle, decided the risk to life was too high not to take precautions.
“Four years ago me and my mate Dave went to a Halloween party as Walter White and Jesse Pinkman – the season 3 version, slightly menacing, none of that running around in your underpants bollocks.
“So I’m actually quite well prepared for a virus pandemic that seems to be killing everyone, if what I read on Facebook is correct.
“So I went up into the loft and dug out my hazmat suit and breathing mask and set off for the shops.
“Yes, I got a few funny looks, particularly when I decided to buy 400 toilet rolls instead of the food I had planned to buy. But I’ll be the one laughing when coronavirus makes me shit through the eye of a needle, or something.
“Look, I was completely safe from infection, and I’m sure I was the only one there who was!”
“No, he couldn’t be more wrong,” added fancy dress retailer, James Matthews.
“We sell loads of those outfits, and it’s a fancy dress costume, not an actual hazmat suit.
“The fact you do it up with a velcro strap at the back should have been a clue, as should the fact the breathing mask doesn’t have a filter. It’s basically just a toy.
“But judging by what I’m seeing online about people’s reactions to the coronavirus, the fact that a grown man believes a fancy dress costume will protect him is one of the least surprising things I’ve read so far.”