FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Concerns over the COVID-19 pandemic have derailed Deep State plans to use Army special operations forces to invade the southwestern region of the United States to implement mass gun seizures, open FEMA detention camps, and enact martial law.
“It’s unfortunate, but even when implementing the wholesale suspension of civil and human rights for our fellow citizens, we need to look out for the welfare of our troops,” spokesfascist Col. Dwight Turner said.
Sources close to the operation say the hundreds of military vehicles being transported by railway into Texas and other states will likely just be turned around and sent back to the undisclosed locations whence they came
“Like most soldiers, I am a big supporter of our Second Amendment rights,” said a Special Forces sergeant who identified himself only as Jim, “but, I mean, if the chain-of-command says it’s time to illegally seize weapons and imprison my fellow Americans, who am I to say no?”
“I’ve got an NCOER coming up, after all.”
Sad faces abounded at the black helicopter staging area as dozens of bearded operators expressed disappointment at not being able to engage in illegal domestic operations to undermine the very government they swore an oath to protect. Many could be seen wearing N95 masks and wiping down surfaces with Clorox wipes.
Four Jade Helm participants have reportedly been placed in quarantine after exhibiting flu-like symptoms.
“It’s almost impossible to implement social distancing while herding your countrymen into internment camps,” said Col. Turner. “We just have to enforce good citizenship during this unprecedented international crisis.”
Col. Turner expressed hope National Guard units would be able to maintain martial law until Jade Helm could be rescheduled.