Jacob Rees Mogg aims to do his bit to improve morale in these troubled times by becoming the ‘nation’s Latin teacher’.
Inspired by the success of ‘PE with Joe’ Jacob Rees-Mogg has decided to better the nation by live-streaming daily Latin classes.
“If that sweaty little oik can capture people’s hearts and become a national treasure then I can jolly well so the same,” said the MP so selfish and uncaring that even the Conservatives are rather ashamed of him.
“I’ll be teaching people a life skill infinitely more valuable than how to leap about like some wild animal.
“There are several reasons why the great unwashed should learn Latin.
“Firstly, it will help them to master English and Lord knows they need help with that – have you ever heard a Labour MP speak in the House? Heavens!
“Secondly, the technicalities of Latin helps one to improve cognitive functioning. For example, how to solve problems such as what to do if you’re trapped in a burning building.
“Thirdly, a command of the language will obviously enable one to enjoy the great works of Classical Latin literature. Wouldn’t it be nice if people could take a break from scrounging in food banks and really take the time to appreciate Ovid’s ‘Heroides’?
“If these classes are successful – and I have no reason to doubt they will be – I’ll be setting up another series of lessons to help the British public stop panic buying and socialising in this time of crisis.”
‘Common Sense with Jacob’ starts streaming next Monday morning at ten.