I’m having an emotional support wank, man tells wife

I’m having an emotional support wank, man tells wife

A WOMAN who has recently got a dramatic new haircut was disappointed to find she is still the same dreary, uninspiring person.

Joanna Kramer had hoped that taking the plunge at the hairdresser would instantly transform her into a confident go-getter with a crazy sense of humour, exemplary eating habits and the ability to say things out loud in meetings.

Kramer said: “I thought, ‘New hair, new me!’ But actually I’m just boring old me with a stressful, complicated haircut that I have no idea how to style.

“When I came out of the salon I thought I could almost be mistaken for Scarlett Johansson. However, as soon as I washed it I looked like Beaker from the Muppets.

“The worst thing is, if I do get it looking right, strangers mistake me for someone much cooler than I actually am. They’re expecting Beyoncé and getting Ann Widdecombe.

“I’m going to grow it out and get a makeup consultation instead. Wearing bright red lipstick would instantly make me fascinating, right?”