The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are considering a joint bid to become leaders of the Labour Party in order to ensure they no longer make the front pages.
The couple formerly known as Harry and Meghan are still being hounded by the paparazzi despite now living boring lives in Canada as Jackson and Zoe.
“We’re doing our best to be nobodies,” said Zoe.
“Yesterday I spent the whole day watching reruns of Falcon Beach in my sweatpants. But still the telephoto lenses were trying to tell the world what flavour Pringles I was eating. I don’t know what we need to do!”
“Yeah,” agreed Jackson, “I really thought that spending six hours on the toilet playing Geometry Dash would make them pack up and leave. But the next day my high score was the lead story.
“We need to find something that literally no one gives the tiniest of shits about – getting involved in the Labour leadership contest might be our only hope.
“We’re no longer royals which gives us the opportunity to dive into British politics. Not in a policy-making front page kind of way but in an uncoordinated and ineffectual Opposition kind of way.
“We’ll be joint leaders – like the UK Green Party have,” added Zoe.
“It’s a strategy that really helped them drop off the radar and hopefully it will do the same for us.”
Since Jackson and Zoe announced their leadership bid the Canadian paparazzi have turned their attention to more interesting subjects – such as roadkill, abandoned shopping carts and those tiny pockets you get in pairs of jeans.