Harry and Meghan have been alarmed and disappointed to learn that amoral paparazzi shits aren’t just a dismal feature of public life in England, but they can be found elsewhere too.
Photos of Meghan taking her son and two dogs for a walk in a park on Vancouver Island appeared in papers yesterday, prompting the ex-Royal couple to threaten legal action against those responsible.
“We’re gutted, to be honest,” said Harry to a nearby journalist, who was crouching in the gutter outside their home.
“We knew that England was full of grasping paparazzi leeches – and France, too, come to think of it – but we never in our wildest dreams imagined that there would be some in Canada.”
He continued, “Although on reflection, we should have realised that something was going on when we were taking a walk the other day and heard some camera shutters going off, and each click was noticeably followed by someone yelling ‘Sorry, eh!’
“We’d just like to ask you polite bastards to leave us alone, thanks.”
One of the paparazzi wankers responsible for the intrusion, Simon Williams, defended his actions saying, “Sorry, eh! But I have to make a living, and we have literally no-one else of any interest in this country as all our celebrities tend to move to America.
“Sorry, eh, I’ve got to go – I have Meghan’s Dad on the other line.”