Guide to the Republican Primaries

Guide to the Republican Primaries

If you’re a betting man or woman, then you’re probably wondering what to do before you place your bets for the US election primaries! There are updates on the ever-changing odds for the political race and luckily, SBD is on top of those changes because honestly, there’s just too much happening too fast these days. Today, we’re going to look at a few Republican nominees and whether they have a chance of winning.

First we have Roque De La Fuente, aiming to be the United States’ first Mexican American president. You may remember Roque as the man who audaciously ran for senator in no less than 9 states simultaneously, no less. Needless to say, he lost each race. But why would such a successful business man run for multiple seats in government, lowering his chances of actually winning any of them? It seems, that he did that in order to hedge his bets and boost his profile according to a Vice news report from last year. Sounds a lot like someone else we know. He currently holds no delegates. So I guess treating politics like a Vegas game of chance hasn’t been working out for him, or has it…?

Second we have Joe Walsh, whose presidential bid is centred on the assertion that Donald Trump is bad. Sorry, let me just amend that and be clear: whose entire campaign is centred on Trump being bad, an assertion that I have literally never heard of before until now! Is Joe Walsh finally going to make it spouting such groundbreaking and original rhetoric? Time will tell, but currently he sits at 0 delegates. He also claims that the Republican Party is now a cult obsessed with Donald Trump, which our editor speculates may well raise some interesting questions about his own candidacy!

 … Oh wait! What’s THIS? Man down! Turns out he’s a goner.

Thirdly we have Bill Weld, who is running on the premise that he can beat Donald Trump in the New Hampshire primaries. He seems transfixed on this notion people seem to have, that if you win in the New Hampshire primary, then you can win it all baby! Much like Joe Walsh, he’s fixated on this totally never seen before idea that Donald Trump is akin to a dictator, something totally original that nobody has ever heard before, and is definitely a great way of getting people on your side. I’d like to remind you that Bill Weld currently holds 1 delegate.

Last, and most probably least, we have the man of the hour, the man whose name is on everybody’s lips. You’re either with him, or you finish the primaries with delegates stuck in the single digits. His approval ratings with republicans is currently at 90%. The President who got impeached not much longer than two months ago. The man who’s been dodging missile after missile for the past 4 years, and always seems to somehow come out on top. It’s Donald J Trump folks, who’s currently sitting at 86 delegates… And who’s already looking to be running away with it, yet again, with the ease of a freight train, tearing through a sheet of paper.

There’s also a bunch of other people running, but they’re not rich enough, so you don’t really need to know about them. They ain’t winning!