Father of nine tasked with planning Afghanistan pullout

Father of nine tasked with planning Afghanistan pullout

RESOLUTE SUPPORT HQ, Afghanistan — The potential for an end to The Forever War has prompted the generals in Afghanistan to scramble to create a formal plan for how to leave. Maj. Robert “Bob” Virile is up to the task.

Bob is a real family man, and the perfect individual from a Public Relations perspective.

Gen. Mike “Night” Shyamalan, acting commander of coalition forces in Afghanistan, had much to say about his decision to order Bob to take the lead.

“It just made sense,” Shyamalan said. “Bob has never pulled out of anything. Of course, he’s having a tough time planning the pullout of thousands of troops, but we knew he had the inner strength to drive on.”

Shyamalan’s military career comes with a level of criticism and controversy. He was very heavily involved in the planning the last time coalition forces were reportedly leaving Afghanistan.

“Yeah, that was a bit of a twist, huh?” he noted. “No one saw it coming when we turned around and maintained troop levels, but that included the insurgents! If we don’t know what is real, the enemy is in that boat with us.”

Bob had very specific guidance from Shyamalan to plan the pullout in as much detail as possible.

“Bob is famous in planning circles. He’s a SAMS grad and a real divergent thinker when it comes to jumping in and out of the box. In this case, he may have to get out of his comfort zone. He’s always been a point man.”

Shyamalan ended the discussion with a wink, saying, “We know this is going to end well.”