More details have emerged of Donald Trump’s peace plan for the Holy Land, entitled “Trump takes the Peace”, which would see Israeli and Palestinian territories receive an equal number of Trump-branded golf courses and hotels.
As President Trump himself explained, “No room at the inn? No longer a problem after the opening of Trump Bethlehem. And where better to relax after generations of religious strife than the deluxe Trump Jerusalem? The West and East wings of which are kept separate by a big beautiful wall.
“Everything’s better with a wall, right? And we’re gonna make Mexico pay for it!
“People are angry over there, I get that, but that will all stop when they’ve got a wonderful Trump golf course to play on and relax. They’ll have exactly the same number each – so that will stop all the tension, obviously. They can have as many as they like, as long as it’s the same number each.”
Each new Trump golf course will have 18 holes, but if the peace process fails then this figure could increase at short notice.
For the same reason, the bunkers on each golf course will be made of concrete rather than the usual sand, providing golfers with a place to shelter from unexpected bombardments.
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas was dismissive of the peace plan, saying “Donald Trump, your scheme for our territory is an outrage! It’s hard enough to get a decent night’s sleep here as it is, never mind spending the night in a vastly over-priced sub-standard hotel.
“Promise to keep your gawdy hotels out of Palestine and then maybe we can talk.”
Meanwhile, at one Palestinian golf course in the West Bank, construction has already started – of an Israeli settlement spanning holes 3 to 8.