Hundreds of foreign nationals evacuated from Wuhan are to be transferred without further delay to ITV’s Love Island until their symptoms dissipate or nature has its way.
People suspected of being carriers of the disease are arriving as of now, and can look forward to a heady diet of sun, sea, sand and sepsis.
And the influx of potential victims is set to make temperatures on the horny outcrop sizzle – to the point where they become of concern to a team of highly trained medics.
Although a good number of the new detainees are already suffering from advanced fever or coughs, the show’s producers are hoping these minor ailments won’t prevent them from having lots and lots of sex.
Love Island contestant, Leanne Amaning, said, “The kind of guys I go for are generally tall, dark and free of any severe acute respiratory infection.
“However, Bradley, the guy in the oxygen tent, is totally amazing and I’ve absolutely no hang-ups about dating someone with multiple organ failure.”
But competing for Leanne’s affections is new arrival Tom, a young graphic designer from Doncaster with a Mews Score of fifteen.
“I’m a regular Jack the Lad who’s always on the lookout for love, but right now I’d settle for an oxygen mask and an intravenous course of Levofloxacin”, he told us.
Meanwhile, Disease Prevention Technician, Simon Williams, warned, “It’s either six months holed up with these self-absorbed dickheads or a year of solitary confinement in a Sri Lankan airport hangar.”
Love Island-bound Coronavirus sufferer, John Goodier, added, “Really? Right you are. Now shift those fucking planes out the way and get me some Lockets.”