Calling it a ‘taproom’ makes getting pissed seem educational

Calling it a ‘taproom’ makes getting pissed seem educational

A TOTAL pisshead is delighted that a ‘taproom’ has opened locally because it makes getting hammered sound like a legitimate educational activity.

Julian Cook says he and his mates consider the taproom to be a ‘library of beer’, where their goal is to enlarge their cultural horizons rather than just talk shit.

Cook commented: “In a taproom, it’s your duty to try all 10 beers on offer, not because you want to numb your feelings with booze, but because it’s a rich learning experience.

“You’re allowed to down as much as you like, so long as you drink it in a collection of half-pint glasses, and occasionally mumble a word like ‘hoppy’. My mind has been expanded so much I should be awarded at least one extra GCSE.”

Cook has started describing his weekly visits to the taproom as an ‘evening class’, which has not gone down well with his partner.

He said: “Patricia says she never gets a three-day hangover from her knitting group. But I just blind her with a term like ‘oxidisation’ or ‘clove-like’, and she can’t complain because I’m bettering myself through learning.”