ARE you determined to waste your life following the problems of two very rich people you don’t know? You might be one of the following idiots.
Apparently a full-time job for some people, judging by internet comments. It could be racially motivated, or maybe bitchy people just love a good pile-on. Either way, almost anything else is a more productive use of your time, eg. making a life-sized owl out of your ear wax.
You love the Royals. You don’t really know why, but you follow them obsessively. You’ve got a Charles and Di plate from 1981 and have been buying commemorative tat ever since, most recently a ‘Baby Archie’ tea towel. Even being a fan of Mumford & Sons is less embarrassing than this.
Moron who loves gossip magazines
If you’re a Heat or OK! reader who actually cares about Jennifer Garner going for a walk with Ben Affleck, you’ll be familiar with Harry and Meghan. Try reading something different – you might discover you’re really into Martin Amis, just as a change from ‘troubled Sheridan Smith’ articles.
Daily Mail journalist
Yes, you’re getting paid for it, but perhaps ask yourself why you became a journalist in the first place if your best story this month was entirely made-up drivel, eg. ‘ROYAL CATFIGHT: Is lovely Kate going to take down Monstrous Meghan?’
If you find yourself attempting to break into Frogmore Cottage with a hammer and a Toblerone for Meghan, it may be time to rethink your life. Develop an obsession with someone who deserves to be terrified by a stalker, such as Iain Duncan Smith.