As Italy goes into lockdown and the WHO warns the world is on the brink of a pandemic, the Prime Minister has stated he might respond to the emergency with his signature move of sodding off to some island paradise for a spell.
The Cabinet Office spokesperson, Simone Williams, said that for the moment the situation did not require the PM to do more than watch cricket and see what lovely gems can be found in Whitehall’s wine cellar.
However, should there be a spike in infection rates, he would not hesitate to immediately set off for some serious hammock napping under a blazing Indian Ocean sun.
She went on, “The PM is being constantly updated on the evolution of COVID-19 and has instructed civil servants to look into several options such as snorkelling in Baie Ternay Marine Park or island hopping on a 50-foot catamaran.”
Asked if the government was going to pull its finger out and take real action like ordering school closures, Ms Williams explained that it was “too early for complex and disruptive measures like basic temperature checks at airports.”
She said, “Boris has been clear that the best course of action is to let the disease sweep through the population like a scythe as it would only take down the elderly, the sick and those grubby little people who can’t take 2 weeks off to work.
“However, we have put the military on standby to put up roadblocks, assist paramedics, distribute food and fly good chaps to somewhere with white sand and crystalline water.
“Boris Johnson is confident the nation can overcome this challenge and looks forward to skyping NHS workers while he’s eating curried fish cooked in banana leaves.”