Boris Johnson and The Daily Telegraph have announced over the weekend that they are engaged to be married.
The news will come as no surprise to avid readers of The Telegraph who will be well aware of just how much it is in love with Mr Johnson.
“We here at The Telegraph are thrilled to announce that Boris Johnson has done us the extraordinary honour of agreeing to marry us,” read a breathless editorial in Saturday’s edition.
“We just know that we will be happy together for the rest of our lives and thank everyone for their good wishes.”
The editorial appeared alongside a photograph of The Telegraph’s entire staff in which Alison Pearson and Daniel Hannan could be seen openly weeping tears of joy and Charles Moore appeared to be frantically masturbating.
The love affair between the Daily Telegraph and Boris Johnson began several years ago when the paper allowed the then MP a weekly column to try and restart his flagging political career.
It then blossomed as the ‘news’ paper came to the defence of its love over a series of lies written by Johnson during the Brexit campaign.
However, it wasn’t until Johnson became Prime Minister that the Telegraph’s true devotion became apparent.
A series of gushing and sentimental editorials on how wonderful Johnson is led many to recognise that it was only a matter of time before Johnson and The Telegraph got married.
The wedding will take place in Spring of this year.
It is understood that The Sun, The Daily Mail and The Express have all spent the weekend crying their eyes out.